Sex and Affection - Seperate things?

[Funbags]

Hi There..

Thought i'd get some opinions on this as its caused all sorts of problems for me.

Im one of those girls who think that you SHOULDNT have one without the other, not that you cant, of course you can, but if you're going to have sex (with a partner, not one night stand) then there should be affection there too..

To give a bit of background on my moaning. I was seeing a man who was 20 years older than me, not a relationship, just sex and friends and it suited me fine. The sex was fantastic, i really enjoyed it. But afterwards, that was it, he'd just get dressed, go downstairs and sit on the sofa waiting for me to leave :mad: To me, thats just rude and i took it personally!!! I can understand treating a hooker like that, but i didnt even get paid :innocent: Im not clingy or over affectionate, but a cuddle and a chat after sex would be nice, maybe thats just me...? Or the age thing? Im in my early 20's, he's in his 40's.

Opinions? Was i being unreasonable? It led to huge arguments and the whole arrangement ending with him in a strop thinking i wanted more (typicalman with his ego :yawn: ). But not even being allowed to stay over after sex annoyed me, yes i was kicked out after every time! :rolleyes:

So come on... Was it me or him thats losing the plot?

[SSBF]

Hi There..

Thought i'd get some opinions on this as its caused all sorts of problems for me.

Im one of those girls who think that you SHOULDNT have one without the other, not that you cant, of course you can, but if you're going to have sex (with a partner, not one night stand) then there should be affection there too..

To give a bit of background on my moaning. I was seeing a man who was 20 years older than me, not a relationship, just sex and friends and it suited me fine. The sex was fantastic, i really enjoyed it. But afterwards, that was it, he'd just get dressed, go downstairs and sit on the sofa waiting for me to leave :mad: To me, thats just rude and i took it personally!!! I can understand treating a hooker like that, but i didnt even get paid :innocent: Im not clingy or over affectionate, but a cuddle and a chat after sex would be nice, maybe thats just me...? Or the age thing? Im in my early 20's, he's in his 40's.

Opinions? Was i being unreasonable? It led to huge arguments and the whole arrangement ending with him in a strop thinking i wanted more (typicalman with his ego :yawn: ). But not even being allowed to stay over after sex annoyed me, yes i was kicked out after every time! :rolleyes:

So come on... Was it me or him thats losing the plot?

Sorry to say but i I think it was you losing the plot. Cuddling and staying over and chat after sex occurs between people who share affection, NOT "friends with benefits".I suppose this all could have been avoided if you had set some ground rules at the beginning of all this. Also, research tells us that women can only have sex with a person so many times before they become "attached". I'd say you are more complex than this "friends with benefits" realtionship and possibly you should be trying to find a true relationship that includes great sex. Obvoiusly this guy is not that. He sees you as a "friend" yes but more like a booty call. Thats ok if you both agree thats the way it will be. Oh yea and one more thing, why is it that HE is controlling the situation? Why not have him at your place then kick HIM out? lol just an afterthought. Good luck!

[mskitty6-9]

Wanting to cuddle is affection...I don't cuddle with someone I don't care about...so I agree with SSBF...I think the relationship had changed for you from friends with benefits to one with some feelings attached...

I didn't say you had fallen in love with him, but I do think you had developed feelings for him...

I also agree communication is key...if you two had talked about what each expected from the relationship at the onset, things might have been different...it might not have been an easy talk to have, but it would have gotten things out on the table...and you may have seen that his ideas and your idea of the "friendship
with benefits" were different...

[Funbags]

Thanks for the replies.

I see your points entirely, and i probably should have reworded my original post! Its not so much "cuddles" and stuff like that, but more the going downstairs and wiaiting for me to get dressed and leave. The point i brought up with him that even as friends, that just isn't a nice way to treat someone.. It really annoyed me. I only ever wanted sex (he's old enough to be my dad!) but i think he thought i wanted more. I do have feelings for him - friendly ones!! But nothing more. I think its just that im used to being treated a bit more affectionately and respectfully and felt he was using me a bit and me not getting anything out of it other than sex every now and then when he felt like it.

He controlled the whole thing. Would back out of anything if i wanted to take control. It had to be where he said, when he said or not at all. Suited me as i didnt really want him at my house and he has a lovely house!!

Its been really good getting some other input though, puts it into perspective more. I can see his side of the argument a little better..

[SSBF]

Thanks for the replies.

I see your points entirely, and i probably should have reworded my original post! Its not so much "cuddles" and stuff like that, but more the going downstairs and wiaiting for me to get dressed and leave. The point i brought up with him that even as friends, that just isn't a nice way to treat someone.. It really annoyed me. I only ever wanted sex (he's old enough to be my dad!) but i think he thought i wanted more. I do have feelings for him - friendly ones!! But nothing more. I think its just that im used to being treated a bit more affectionately and respectfully and felt he was using me a bit and me not getting anything out of it other than sex every now and then when he felt like it.

He controlled the whole thing. Would back out of anything if i wanted to take control. It had to be where he said, when he said or not at all. Suited me as i didnt really want him at my house and he has a lovely house!!

Its been really good getting some other input though, puts it into perspective more. I can see his side of the argument a little better..

Hun what I have learned in my life is that if you present yourself as "just a piece of ass" then you will be treated accordingly. Maybe you need someone new?

[Funbags]

Oh, i definately do!! He was bad news...

[mskitty6-9]

We learn from our "experiences" and you have learned from this one...that is a good sign...

My hopes are that the next relationship beings you more of what you want!